My Ever Expanding Baby, The Pin-Cushion

Yesterday, Dashiell had his two-month checkup. It was a raging success, to everyone but a rather annoyed Dashiell!

VaccineTwo months is the magic number for immunization, it seems, as no other point in the schedule has more simultaneous vaccines. We knew this going in, so given my still-insanely-powerful urge to kill whatever makes my baby cry, I was informed by my wife that I wouldn’t be attending. By all reports, my boy handled the whole thing like the warrior my testosterone-fueled fantasies of his super-being status predicted he would!

He came home somewhat perforated, and in a rather foul mood, but otherwise perfect. His checkup couldn’t have gone better. [Note: the remainder of this might sound a bit like bragging, because, you know, it is!] His responses are exactly where the doctors want them. He is so strong that the doctor used the word “amazing”. He’s able to keep his head upright for several seconds at a time entirely on his own, which is apparently appropriate for babies twice his age.

Most importantly, in one month, his length and weight have jumped from the third percentile to the twenty-fifth. This is hugely happy news, given the concerns we had about health issues with him starting out so tiny! It looks like we were right about his insanely increased feeding meaning he was having an extended growth spurt.

Our boy, much to his constantly-drunk-dry mother’s alarm, doubled his weight in two months. Just to put that in perspective, if he were to continue at that rate, by his first birthday he’d weigh 320 pounds, and by his tenth, he’d weigh 5.8 quintillion pounds (5.76×10^18, for you nerdy types), or about 30,000 times as massive as Mount Everest. Needless to say, we’re hoping things slow down a bit soon, but we’ll be happy if this keeps up until he’s above the fiftieth percentile!

All in all, a good day. Our boy is healthy, well on his way to normal height and weight, and at least partially protected from the worst diseases that could do him harm (just Measles/Mumps/Rubella left, which you have to wait until one year for…)

Oh, and just in case you’re about to start squalling at me about how we’re risking autism etc. by vaccinating our child, you aren’t welcome here, you ignorant, dangerous mental defect!