It’s Like They’re Really Trying To Kill Me

This is just a brief PSA to tell you something you really need to know about the medical profession.

It turns out that unbeknownst to me (but in retrospect hardly surprising), the same profession that has decided to call a horrible rending cough that feels like a chunk of your lung just got expelled by your body “productive” has also developed a “benign“, “non-invasive“, diagnostic procedure that makes you feel like you are pissing tabasco sauce. FOR TEN MINUTES.

“Also, we’ve smeared betadine over a significant portion of your body. Here are two tiny premoistened towelettes for you to clean up with before you put your clothes back on and drive yourself home. Could you make it quick, please? We have another exam in five minutes. Have a nice day!”