Alpha Males

So you’re an “Alpha male”? Well, I’ve got some news for you, sunshine. You keep using that term, but I’m pretty sure you don’t know what it means.

  1. The term “Alpha male” was coined by a researcher who was studying a pack of wolves. There is no rational reason to believe that wolf pack dynamics are remotely applicable to human social interaction, so the use of the term in that context is trivial and pointless.
  2. The researcher who coined the term mistakenly believed that the oldest male leading the pack he was studying had fought for dominance, when in fact, he and the “Alpha female” were actually the parents/grandparents/Aunt or uncle of all the other wolves in the pack. He later completely disowned this research conclusion after studying other packs and pulled his own papers from publication. So even if the term were applicable to humans, it is bullshit.

So, what does it mean when you use the term “alpha male” to describe yourself? It means that:

  1. You are poorly educated.
  2. You are so desperately insecure that you are grasping at straws for any shed of a claim at a ‘dominant’ identity.
  3. The historical “real man” figures you claim to idolize would find you to be a pathetic poser.

But hey, I bet you’re pretty fly (for a white guy)!